Are we in a gay sports bar?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
