Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
