I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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