I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
