My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
