So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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