u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
how does that bad decision feel?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
