he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
