How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
