I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
