He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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