he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
