I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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