i jhust puked up my retainher.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
