i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
