Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
