Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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