Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
