Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
