i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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