As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
