I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
