I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
