That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
