so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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