He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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