Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
