his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
