I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
