The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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