If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
