He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
