watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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