Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
