It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
