i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if only i could text you this smell
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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