Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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