i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
