btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
