just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize