I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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