So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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