I cannot find my penis.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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