Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
