walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
