i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
one two three fourrrrnication!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
