My sheets look like a crime scene.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
God I need to hump something, right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
