after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
