Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
