My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
